Are you constantly asking, “Why don’t girls like me?” If a stream of rejections is getting you down, or you just aren’t getting the right vibes, there could be an explanation. So, if you’re not a hit with the ladies, read on…
Over the years, I’ve had a lot of guy friends ask me this exact question – or a variation of it.
Just like girls, guys have to deal with the sting of rejection. In some cases, men even deal with this issue more often than us ladies. There are still a lot of girls out there who wait for guys to make the first move.
This means unfortunately, you’re the one dealing with most of the anxiety and potential heartache. After a while, too many rejections can leave you honestly believing in the notion that “girls don’t like me”.
I’ve known a few fellas deal with serious hits to their self-esteem after failing to catch the eye of the right person (male, female, or anything else).
Though every woman’s reason for saying “no” can be unique to them, I’m going to try and shed light on some common reasons why girls might not be picking up what you’re laying down.
Why don’t women like me? Common issues
The first thing I should note is there are situations when the problem really isn’t anything to do with you. Some girls turn down an advance because they’re already in a relationship, or they’re not looking to be involved with someone romantically right now.
I know plenty of girls who would turn down people they consider to be “their type”, just because they’re not in the right headspace.
Of course, it’s always worth taking a look at your approach, just to make sure you’re not doing anything that could be turning the ladies off.
Here are the most common reasons I tend to see hear guys saying “I don’t know why girls don’t like me…”
1. Your attitude is all wrong
The way you present yourself makes all the difference when it comes to attracting the attention of the right girl. A bad attitude is an instant turn-off, no matter how attractive you might be. So, what kind of first impression are the ladies getting when you introduce yourself?
Are you the kind of guy who sits at a party complaining about how hard your life is? Do you always seem to take a glass-half-full approach to the world, and frequently tell people how “bored” or “tired” you are? That’s not really the kind of energy any girl wants to take home.
A negative attitude doesn’t have to mean you’re overly cocky or reserved (though we’ll come back to this in a minute). If you’re kind of a downer, you’re less likely to make any kind of romantic connection.
Try to rethink your attitude and focus on the positive instead. If you can’t find anything positive to say about yourself, be positive about the situation, the day, or even the girl (pay her a compliment).
2. Your lifestyles don’t match
If you capture a girl’s attention long enough to convince her she wants to get to know you, she’ll be searching for signs you’re compatible. Where things get confusing, is most ladies are looking for guys who are pursuing their ideal lifestyle (not necessarily the one they’re living now).
Just because the girl you’re interested in spends most of her spare time binging Netflix, doesn’t mean she’s looking for a partner who does the same. Girls want to visualize a life of excitement, adventure, and opportunity with the person they like.
Highlighting the right lifestyle doesn’t mean you have to be rich and constantly jetting off on vacations. However, you do need to demonstrate you have passions, ambition, and a commitment to making your life the best you can be.
3. Your intentions aren’t appealing
When you approach a woman, what are you trying to accomplish?
Most of the time, the guys I’ve met fall into one of two categories. The first is the guy who’ll do anything to get laid. He sets his sights on a girl and does everything he can think of to convince her to come home with him, from buying her drinks, to hanging around her all night.
The second kind of guy is a little romantic – he’s the one who just wants to be liked. Unfortunately, going into a conversation with a girl with an overwhelming desire for her to like you can sometimes make you come across as desperate, or needy.
Girls don’t want to feel like they’re doing someone a favor when they talk to them. At the same time, ladies generally aren’t looking to be little more than a piece of meat. If you want to be attractive to ladies, ask yourself what kind of intentions you’re putting across.
4. Your appearance isn’t great
Any girl who tells you she’s not interested in appearance probably isn’t being entirely honest.
We all have people we’re attracted and people we’re not. Girls do often look a little deeper when they’re checking you out, though.
When a guy checks out a girl (from what I’m told), they’re mostly looking for two things: a nice face and a great body. When a girl checks out a guy, they’re definitely checking your face and body too, but they’re also reading between the lines.
In other words – girls judge how you present yourself.
You might not care about the kind of dress a girl is wearing, but when she looks at you, she’ll be checking to see if you’re well-groomed, whether you look after your appearance, choose your clothing carefully, and generally look after yourself.
It’s like this, even if a girl thinks you’re attractive, she might be put off by your appearance if it indicates you don’t take enough pride in how you look.
5. Your confidence is off
Confidence is attractive – in the right quantities.
Girls love a guy who’s confident in his own skin, comfortable talking to other people, and willing to take the occasional risk. However, too much confidence can rub us the wrong way.
The first thing you say to a girl probably shouldn’t be a boast about how you gave your last girlfriend multiple orgasms one night.
As with most things, confidence is all about balance. If you’re too shy and reserved, girls might think it’s too much work to make you come out of your shell. Most ladies don’t like feeling like they have to do all the talking just to keep a conversation with a guy going.
Being shy can actually convince a girl you don’t like them, because it seems like you’re not making enough of an effort to connect.
Practice building your confidence to a point where you can talk to girls clearly and comfortably, without being cocky or obnoxious.
6. You talk too much
This issue tends to go hand-in-hand with the point about confidence.
Having confidence means you should be able to start a conversation and maintain it with a girl for a decent amount of time. It doesn’t mean you need to talk non-stop.
A few ice breakers and stories to get the conversation going is great, but you need to slow down and take time to listen too. Discussions are pretty boring when they’re all one-sided.
If you find yourself talking too much when you’re connecting with girls, try adding more questions to your conversations instead. Asking questions shows you’re interested in the other person, and it forces you to give them the spotlight for a little while.
Just make sure you’re cautious about the kind of questions you choose. You don’t need to ask a girl you’ve never met before about her phobias, ex-boyfriends, or other sensitive topics. Stick to simple things like where they’re from, what they do for a living, and what kind of hobbies they enjoy.
Overcoming the “women don’t want me” issue
It’s easy to lose your confidence when you strike out with a girl a few times. Failing to hit it off with the right person will often leave you thinking “women don’t like me”, to the point where you question everything about yourself.
Sometimes, the reason a girl pulls away might be something to do with the issues mentioned above.
Other times, it’s really nothing you can control.
The unfortunate truth is guys are rejected every day, and sometimes, it will be for reasons that have nothing to do with you.
However, knowing how to identify the things that can send women running in the other direction should at least give you the confidence of knowing you’re not doing anything wrong.
If you’re worried “girls don’t want me”, ask yourself if it could have something to do with the points I mentioned above.
If not, maybe you’re just not approaching the right girl?