How to sext: Why you are bad at sexting (and how to perfect your technique)
Learn to practice the zen art of subtle texting and get her wetter than an otter’s pocket!
Throughout human history, every time a new technology appears, it doesn’t take very long before we filthy, hairless monkeys have figured out how to turn its use in one way or another to sex.
Think about it: how long do you suppose it was before Alexander Graham Bell was using his brand new telephone to drunk-dial some hot little 1870s inventor-groupie he was trying to bang? If there had been a way to send dick pics by telegraph, someone would have done it, no question.
Hell, the first guy to invent the wheel probably rolled immediately over to his mate’s cave to bang his girlfriend while the poor guy was at work.
Or maybe he just cut out the middleman and tried to fuck the hole in the wheel instead…
At any rate, when it comes to the delightful world of sexting, it’s little wonder that we almost immediately started using our cell phones to send naughty messages and pics.
And as cell phone usage has evolved with so much of our communication taking place these days via text-based messaging, it makes perfect sense that dirty flirting would also translate to this new medium.
The thing is, a lot of people just don’t know how to sext. Even though everybody everywhere is constantly on their cell phones – I mean, it’s not like we don’t know how to use them, right? – there are still plenty of guys out there whose sexting game is just…awful.
There are so many sexting stories that are just plain cringeworthy. Clumsy, awkward, off-putting – you choose your synonym.
I mean, we’re not even talking about the sexting stories where some famous person’s dick pic got loose in the wild – this is just regular dudes who have no idea how to sext without winding up as the object of ridicule on Reddit.
But let’s be fair: how to sext successfully is not instinctual, or even easy. Even texting in general can be a minefield when it comes to communication. Without the benefit of facial expressions, tone of voice and eye contact, it’s so very easy for even the simplest of text messages to be misinterpreted.
I mean, if you and your mates can get confused over what is meant in a regular old text, no wonder it’s so easy to have sexting go so spectacularly awry. [MAYBE USE THIS KEY AND PEELE VID?]
Learn how to be good at sexting
So keep in mind, this is not to disparage sexting in general. Sexting is great! Think about how much harder it was to flirt with a girl who wasn’t in range of your beautiful baby blues and your whimsical charm before the invention of cell phones.
We’re not even talking about enchanting poets writing steamy letters to their lady loves and waiting for a response weeks or months later – even more recently than that: imagine if you actually had to TALK on the PHONE?!?
My god, the humanity…
So yeah, sexting is a wonderful new tool in your dating arsenal, and we should all learn how to sext well and use it to our advantage. When you do sexting right, it can really help you to escalate quickly and take it to the next level of intimacy in the early stages of dating.
Or it can pique the interest of a girl you’re already seeing and get her thinking dirty thoughts about you while you’re apart.
Hell, with some practice, you can turn her panties into a kiddie pool without even being on the same continent.
But maybe the best thing about learning how to sext is you can build up the tension when you know you’re going to be together later, so that when you do finally see each other, you’re all but guaranteed and explosive finish.
How To Sext: Sexting tips
But much like every other aspect of dating in this oh-so-complicated era, to get the desired results when you’re learning how to be good at sexting requires a bit of finesse.
So let’s start off the sexting tips by looking at a few things that should definitely be on your “Don’t” list.
1. Easy, tiger
If there’s one consistent theme you can find in threads and chat rooms all over the internet about sexting stories gone wrong, it’s when one party or the other ramps things up too quickly. And when we say “one party or the other,” guys, that’s 99 times out of 100 going to mean us.
Boys, much like when you’ve finally convinced her to give the back door a try, you’ve got to ease into it slowly if you want this to go anywhere. Realize that no matter how comfortable you are with this lady in real life, sexting is a whole new sandbox you’re playing in here.
When you’re together in person, you have a whole suite of other tools for building rapport and trust: looks, subtle touches, smiles and other facial micro-expressions – none of which are available to you when you’re each on your own looking at a screen.
Think of how to start a sext almost as if you’re starting a whole new relationship – especially if the two of you haven’t sexted before – and go easy.
2. Time it right
There’s nothing worse for a lady than sitting down to lunch with her family, starting to tell grandma about how her classes are going, and then her phone buzzes and she gets a dick pic from you along with a filthy message reminding her about all the nasty things you did to her last night.
Make sure you’re on the same page before you initiate any kind of sexting with your partner. So probably the best advice on how to start a sext is to maybe give her a simple “Hey are you busy right now?” And if she’s free, let her know what you’re thinking about – and see if she’s game.
Honesty is often your best policy when it comes to navigating the tricky world of learning how to sext, simply because the barriers to communication are so challenging.
3. Push the comfort zone, but not too far – and not all at once
Have you ever seen one of your friends who maybe isn’t the smoothest talker in the world try to ramp up with a girl and just implode horrifically? Know where your comfort zone is and push gently against it, gradually getting more daring.
If you try to go from an awkward newbie to King Sexter the Humongous overnight, neither you nor she are going have a good time. Be extra aware of her comfort zone too, and check in frequently.
A good trick is to ask if the next little boundary push you have in mind is good with her: “Do you want to know what my favorite part of your body is?” “Remember that time when you…? I loved that.”
By framing it as a question you give her the chance to back off before it gets weird.
4. Now let’s talk dick pics
Okay, this is what we’re all thinking about when it comes to sexting stories gone wrong, isn’t it? Here’s another great place to be very direct and ask permission first.
Jesus god, are there still guys out there who just send out a dick pic to a girl who isn’t expecting it? I mean, if you already have that kind of relationship with your lady, more power to you, but be DAMN sure you do before pulling the trigger on that kind of thing.
Give them a warning at least before you send a nude: type NSFW NSFW or something at the very least. And guys, let’s be clear: JUST your dick isn’t really that much of a turn-on for most women. As fascinated as we are with our perky little friends, the ladies generally are going to prefer something that shows more of your body.
Again, starting with a question is a good gambit: “What’s your favorite part of my body? Is there anything you want to see?”
And again, starting slow and easing your way up to full frontal, raging hard-on pics it probably most likely to succeed.
Studies show that women don’t react to visual sexual stimulus like we do, so you’ve got to use a lot of finesse on this one when you’re getting your sexting game on.
Dealing with awkwardness and nervousness when you’re learning how to sext
Let’s be honest, it’s easy to sit here behind our computers and phones and act as if we’re all super confident when it comes to sexting – or any other aspect of dating for that matter.
But the truth is, learning how to sext is like anything else: you get more comfortable with it the more you do it. And it can be awkward and a bit nerve-wracking – both for you and for her.
That doesn’t mean it has to turn into a disaster. A bit of nervousness is part of the fun, after all! The whole point is that you are doing something a little naughty, taking risks with each other and pushing your comfort zone outward – together.
Here’s a great technique for redirecting those feelings of awkwardness or nervousness: say something like “Wow this is amazing! I’m in new territory here, but it’s great. This is making me so hot and nervous at the same time!”
Opening the door to saying YOU’RE a little nervous first can help her feel more comfortable with her own twinges of shyness and nerves and help both of you keep going to the next level.
The bottom line is to remember that, as cliché as it sounds, communication is the key. After all, when you’re sexting, you’re LITERALLY using your phone to communicate, just in a very specific manner.
So be open and honest, be thoughtful about what message you’re sending both literally and figuratively – the fact that you don’t have those visual cues of your partner’s facial expressions is important to keep in mind – and check in frequently to make sure she’s on board with what you’re whipping out, and you’re sure to have good time!
Stay tuned for more health and fitness advice from Blitz’d!