It’s a low-key dream for most men at some point in their life: getting a sugar momma. Right up there with imagining yourself as a porn star, life as a kept man does seem appealing. But, while having a sugar momma picking up the tab sounds tempting, is it as appealing as it’s cracked up to be?
What’s not to love about being a sugar baby? Live a life of luxury without having to pay for your gourmet dinners and fine wardrobe, providing a rich older lady with eye candy and throwing her a shag now and again sounds pretty great.
If you can fill out a Speedo okay, don’t mind a life of lying by the pool and being ogled by her friends, and you’re down to fuck whenever, what could be wrong with having a sugar momma?
We’ll take a closer look at what the sugar mama/sugar baby lifestyle entails, check out some of the downsides as well as the upsides, and point you to some sites where you can try your luck at scoring yourself a sugar momma.
But first, let’s define just what we’re talking about here.
What is a sugar momma?
The idea behind a sugar mama (or sugar momma, whichever you prefer) is just the gender reversal of the much more common trope of the “sugar daddy.”
That is of course the rich older man who dates or marries a hot young thing, and lavishes luxury on his young mistress or lover.
The sugar daddy arrangement is obviously widely known, largely accepted and more or less acceptable, even if some people tend to look down their noses at it. There are lots of high-profile sugar daddy/sugar baby relationships out there.
Famously, Donald Trump is on his third former model wife in Melania. The high-cheek boned Slovenian with the haughty glare and the disappearing smile is quite open about their arrangement.
When a reporter asked her once if she would have married Trump if he weren’t wealthy, she quipped, “Do you think he would have married me if I wasn’t beautiful?”
So, it’s accepted and almost expected that financially successful older men can and will leverage their wealth into dating younger, hotter women.
But what about lonely, financially secure older ladies pining to get their hands on some taut young man flesh? How do we feel about that?
Sugar momma dating in history
Turns out this type of relationship is frequently seen through a slightly different lens when the gender roles are reversed.
Masculinity gets questioned for lots of guys who embark on a journey to bag a well-off cougar, and that’s an old idea.
Here’s an early reference to sugar mamas – and the derisive attitude toward the men they keep – courtesy of a 1928 North Carolina newspaper:
“‘Sugar Mamas’ have much to answer for, this letter proves … A man who would let a married woman spend her husband’s money on him is worse than the lowest thief.” — Greensboro Record (Greensboro, NC), 10 May 1928
Someone sounds a little jelly, no?
Pros and cons of dating a sugar momma
Of course, we like to think we’re living in a more enlightened time these days. Traditional gender roles are still around, but for most people living in western countries, you can take them or leave them at will.
However, it’s important not to completely discount just how deeply embedded some of these notions really are. Lots of guys who have been sugar babies note that they often felt insecure and felt a sense of shame about their relationship dynamic.
And it can go beyond just upending traditional gender roles and into even darker territory at times. As one former sugar baby put it on a sugar mama forum on the subreddit r/AskMen:
“You are a pet, and she will control your behavior. If you don’t change for her, she will discard you and find someone else.” – POGtastic
While we’re on the topic, here are a few of the more negative aspects of being a sugar baby that you might want to consider before peddling your ass on the sugar momma marketplace.
Cons of dating a sugar mama
You’re bought and paid for
As POGtastic put it so succinctly, you are her pet. After all, whoever pays the piper calls the tune, so there’s bound to be some expectations on her part.
Other “confessions of sugar babies” type posts talk about being on Tinder and older women flat-out asking them out to dinner with the caveat that if the boys aren’t down to fuck, they’re not interested.
While there is something to be said for allowing oneself to be vulnerable and cede the need to control everything, it seems like there can potentially be a kind of gross element to this as well that goes beyond woke-ness or “girl boss” energy.
Some guys report that their sugar mommas can get possessive and that it can turn nasty too, a logical extension of this sense of ownership.
You’re a dirty little secret
The sense of shame for some people who embark on sugar mama/sugar baby relationships can cut both ways. Former boy toy cubs report only eating in out-of-the-way restaurants with their cougars, meeting up only at certain designated places and times, and a general sense of being kept hidden away.
Not all sugar mommas are like this of course – but that might be just as bad, depending how you feel about being paraded around like a prize stallion.
If she wants to “show you off” for her friends that kind of implies a sense of you being a piece of property, and that can feel uncomfortable for some guys.
You’re a temp
Let’s face it: in a power dynamic like this one, she’s calling the shots. That includes how long and under what conditions the relationship is going to continue.
A long-term relationship between a sugar momma and her “young protege” isn’t really something you hear about very often.
You’re on her clock
If she’s paying the bills, you’re on call at her whim. You don’t feel like hanging out? You just want to chill with your boys and play some video games? Too bad. Saddle up, pup, mama’s ready for the D.
If you can handle that loss of control over your own life, then this might be for you. But don’t say you weren’t warned.
Pros of dating a sugar mommy
But enough about the downside! What are the perks of being a kept cub banging a wealthy cougar?
You get laid a lot
Like, a lot. Fucking her is pretty much your entire job description, so be prepared for lots of it, 24/7.
You might get paid a lot, too
The relationship of sugar mama to sugar baby implies an exchange of goods and services for companionship and sex, so at the very least you should be getting treated to dinner, drinks and maybe some gifts.
Having a sugar momma often means an allowance as well, and who wouldn’t love getting a paycheck for doing the activity you love best?
This is the essence of modernized. liberalized views on sex work: my body, my choice.
If you’re a good-looking young guy with no money but a nice hog who doesn’t mind sticking it to older ladies, then who’s to say you shouldn’t be treated to a nice lifestyle that would normally be way out of reach for you?
You gain valuable experience
Hanging out with an older lady means being with someone who knows her way around the bedroom – and around a cock.
And it’s not only experience in ‘How To Do The Sex’ that you learn about. Dating an older lady of means implies she’ll supply meals, clothes, shows, cultural events, trips and other privileges you wouldn’t be able to afford on your meager student stipend.
How to find a sugar momma
So hook me up already! How do I find a sugar momma?
Here are some of the Best Sugar Momma Dating Sites, so go bag that cougar, boys!
Ashley Madison – Founded under the slogan “Life is short. Have an affair,” Ashley Madison is still a go-to for young gents looking for a generous older lady, married or not.
Be Naughty – A great place to find MILFs and cougars who are down to fuck your young brains out.
Seeking Arrangement – This site was built for sugar daddies but they also have a highly populated sugar mama section as well.
Flirt – This site boasts 60 percent sugar mommas and 40 percent cubs, so may the odds be forever in your favor!
Cougar Life – Hit it if you’re looking for something a little more serious with a cougar – and what’s a cougar without a cub?