Why do guys feel guilty after ejaculating? More specifically, why is there a sense of shame specifically after masturbating? This concept of “masturbation remorse” or “masturbation guilt” is a lot more common than you might think.
It’s not that you didn’t want to pleasure yourself, or that you didn’t have a good time. The downer at the end of a masturbation session can often feel like it came from nowhere.
Feeling guilty after masturbating is a pretty common thing. When you’re super aroused, or enjoying the pleasure of masturbation, guilt is likely to be the last thing on your mind. Yet, for some reason, as soon as you reach your peak, it’s like a switch flips, and you’re suddenly tumbling into emotional turmoil.
So, what’s the problem?
The jury is still out on this one. However, there are some interesting theories about why masturbation shame might be a thing for some people.
Let’s try to get to the bottom of the mystery!
Why do I feel disgusted after ejaculating?
Feeling bad after ejaculation can be a different experience for different people. Some people have a small sense of embarrassment or shame after watching a particularly saucy video or spanking the monkey when they should have been working or doing something productive.
Others feel genuine disgust after climax – whether they’re masturbating or having sex.
If you’re feeling a little off after ejaculation, it’s worth getting to the bottom of the emotion and where it comes from. Are you disgusted in yourself, what you’ve done, or something else entirely?
According to Executive Medical Director at the Sexual Health Center in Orange County, Dr. Michael Krychman, feeling a little sad after orgasm is normal. He says the feeling might come from something deep inside of a guy’s primitive brain – in the part where men associate sex with an expression of power.
If having sex shows you’re powerful, ejaculation would consequently symbolize the power being spent, or running out.
Of course, there may be more to your ejaculation shame too. If you’ve previously had bad experiences in sex, then ejaculation could be triggering memories or negative feelings – as a form of PTSD.
People who have experienced sexual pain, rape, and other horrific instances can usually feel particularly traumatized after sex. While you might feel fine during the sex act, when the adrenaline and euphoria melts away, you’re left with an underlying psychological issue.
Why do I feel guilty after masturbating?
If you’re specifically feeling guilty after masturbating, then the problem is unlikely to be with your “primitive” monkey mind, or issues regarding PTSD (though this may still be a possibility for some). Masturbation guilt or masturbation remorse still tends to come from a psychological place.
Most of us–male and female–grow up with adults teaching us sex is wrong, dirty, or bad. We’re encouraged to stay away from sex as much as possible, and many of us hear horror stories about STDs, unwanted pregnancy, and the like.
If you grow up in a religious family, you’re even more likely to have issues with sex on a psychological level. Some particularly religious parents go as far as teaching their children touching themselves means a ticket straight to hell.
The way our parents act about the concept of sex or masturbation has a direct impact on how we feel about it. From a young age, we begin to develop a sense of shame whenever we think of sex. It’s frequently swept under the rug and ignored as a taboo, unsanitary topic.
In an environment like this – it’s no wonder masturbation guilt develops. When you do, inevitably get to the point of pleasuring yourself, as soon as you ejaculate, you remember all the bad things you’ve been told about sex, and instantly you feel guilty.
Over time, a sense of guilt can become intertwined with the act of masturbation, so you’re left with a severe sense of masturbation remorse dampening your climax high.
Is masturbation guilt normal?
People who ask, “why do guys feel guilty after ejaculating?” regularly follow the question with “and it is it normal?” No-one wants to feel weird or unusual – particularly when it comes to sex.
The good news is masturbation guilt is common – and definitely not something you’re experiencing on your own. Depending on the severity of your feelings of guilt or shame, this may not be a significant issue for you either. It all depends how far the problem goes.
If you feel a little masturbation remorse because you’ve been spending time with your special lotion rather than focusing on an important task, or doing something you consider to be more important, that’s perfectly normal. You can simply wait for the feeling to wear off and try to maintain your focus next time.
It’s common to for some guys to start feeling guilty after certain kinds of ejaculation too. For instance, if you’ve had a one-night stand with someone you barely know, you might feel ashamed because you think you “took advantage” or didn’t get to know the person well enough.
This is easily resolved by potentially trying to connect with the other person – to see if they feel the same way.
If you had an orgasm after watching a video in a certain realm of porn you feel uncomfortable about, this might be a sign you either need to embrace your sexual side (provided your interests are healthy) or speak to a therapist about anything you consider to be unhealthy.
How “normal” your guilt is depends on you, and the situation.
Can you avoid masturbation shame?
For some people, masturbation guilt goes away gradually with time. The more you grow up and realise sex and masturbation aren’t bad things, the more comfortable you get with ejaculation.
Many of us eventually realise our parents were probably trying to scare us away from sex because they didn’t want to think about their precious children losing their innocence.
Of course, for some people, overcoming the guilt surrounding masturbation and sex can be more complex. People who have gone through abuse (physical or emotional) surrounding sex often have a hard time categorizing pleasurable feeling in their minds.
If you’ve ever been told frightening things about sex or masturbation, or been made to feel guilty for touching yourself, you’re probably going to be a lot more nervous.
Masturbation guilt can also be more of a significant problem with people with certain mind frames. If you develop an unhealthy relationship with orgasm, where ejaculation is the only way you think you can relax or experience pleasure, it starts to feel more like a chore than something fun.
This is when masturbation becomes a problematic, compulsive activity.
Ultimately, if your feelings of masturbation guilt seem to go deeper than just feeling a little awkward about what you watched on your favorite porn site, there may be a reason to explore the issue further.
Speaking to a therapist might seem like a terrifying concept, but it can help you to unravel the mystery of why you feel so overwhelmed by guilt when you’re supposed to be enjoying yourself.
Ejaculation is a good thing – enjoy it!
If, like most people experiencing guilt after orgasm, you’re just dealing with the residual shame installed in you by your parents or religion, don’t panic. Usually, this problem does get better with time, but it can always help to start accepting yourself a little more.
Remember, human beings are designed to enjoy sex and masturbation – there’s nothing wrong with you for having a good time.
Recognizing you’re a full, complete human being with sexual desires and needs, and not just “someone’s son” can help you to feel more comfortable with the idea of pleasuring yourself. If you have deeper, ingrained feelings of guilt and shame that go beyond the basics, this might be a sign that it’s time to seek out some extra help.
Sometimes it really does pay to get some assistance with appreciating yourself, so you can enjoy “loving yourself” a little more.
Ultimately, we’re all just animals, driven by desires, sex, and the constant quest for pleasure. Masturbation and sex are entirely natural. Unless you’re hurting someone, yourself, or you’re worried about something you consider to be “troubling” in your sexual experiences, there’s nothing to feel guilty about.
Blitz yourself better!
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