“Why do I have a mushroom shaped penis?” Sure, it’s not a question that would usually come up at a dinner conversation, but most men have shared this thought – even if they don’t say it out loud.
If you’ve ever found yourself staring at your mushroom penis in the bathroom or wondering about your anatomy after some fun between the sheets, you’re not alone.
Every guy’s junk is different. Think of it like a fingerprint – it’s unique to you. But just like fingerprints, the male member has a few common characteristics – like being shaped similarly to a mushroom.
So, why exactly are men built this way? Is it something to do with reproduction – or is your giggle stick similar to a mushroom because it’s the best way to please your partner?
Let’s look at some of the science behind this anatomical mystery.
The science behind the mushroom shaped penis
There have been a number of (quiet) conversations about the shape of the male reproductive organ over the years. Some researchers believe the shape of the penis has evolved to make it a more effective displacement device for semen.
While this might seem odd, considering the whole point of a penis is to get your guys into a vagina, the theory goes back to an evaluation of the human ancestor. More specifically, it refers to how likely human beings are to sleep around.
Monogamy is a pretty modern and new concept among human beings. A few thousand years ago, there was a lot of “free love” going around. When your great(x12) grandfather wanted to impregnate a woman, he needed to compete with the sperm of guys who had come before him.
This means using the penis kind of like a plunger to remove excess gunk.
As unappealing as it might sound, researchers believe it was a pretty effective tactic, and the reason why so many guys have evolved with mushroom penises today. The guy with the chunkier head won the war for reproduction.
Is a mushroom shaped penis better?
There’s really “ultimate” penis out there from an objective perspective – it all comes down to phallus preference. However, from an evolutionary perspective, it seems mushroom-headed penises are generally better for successful reproduction.
The research involved an artificial vagina, 3 dildos, and a corn-starch-water mixture (to represent sperm). Dildos B and D were mushroom shaped penises, while specimen C was a ridgeless, smooth phallus – the control option.
The experiment involved adding simulated semen to the vagina, weighing it, and then inserting one of the three dildos. Weighing the vagina again after this determined how much of the mixture had been scooped out.
Dildos B and D (the mushroom shapes), removed around 91% of the simulated semen, compared to only 35.5% for the control. When replicating the experiment, the same results were revealed time and time again.
However, the scientists did note the control phallus was made of a different material to the other 2 (plastic instead of latex). To check this factor wasn’t having an impact on the results, the scientists adjusted the shape of phallus D with a knife (ouch) and repeated the test.
Ultimately, the research found it really was the mushroom shape making the difference. A penis with a bigger head is just way better at displacing semen.
A mushroom headed penis wins the gold for reproduction
Reading all this, you’re probably wondering 1, why did you decide to start eating a yogurt before you began this article and 2, how didn’t our forefathers simply scoop out their own load after having sex?
After all, if withdrawing a mushroom-headed penis displaces semen, wouldn’t guys be removing just as much of their own love-serum as they did other people’s?
The good news is human men have evolved to counteract this problem. To prevent a man’s mini plunger from clearing away the right semen, evolution made it, so you deflate pretty much immediately after ejaculation.
Your penis gets much smaller, so it’s not going to displace as much. You also become hypersensitive, which means you don’t just keep thrusting after you’re done.
Additionally (much to the dismay of many men), the male penis is subject to a recovery period. You stay limp for a bit after ejaculation so you can’t immediately leap back into action and undo all your work in the process.
Notably, if you’re wondering how porn stars have sex one person after another so quickly, there are a number of reasons here. One, Viagra and medical substances can stop the penis from acting naturally (deflating after orgasm).
Additionally, the Coolidge effect means the penis needs less recovery time when a new female is introduced to have sex with.
The ability of the mushroom penis to act as a little internal shovel for semen isn’t self-defeating. Rather, like most parts of the human body, the penis is carefully crafted by nature and evolution to make it the perfect tool for survival, and reproduction.
Are there downsides to a mushroom penis?
Pretty much all penises are mushroom shaped these days, thanks to our helpful forefathers and evolution. However, some ridges and heads are bigger than others. You’ll know this if you’ve ever watched porn.
So, is there a downside to having a bigger head?
We know the benefits of having a mushroom-shaped penis have a lot to do with reproduction – scooping away another guy’s semen to make way for your own. However, it also suffers from a bit of a design flaw in some cases.
If you have a much larger head, then your penis is also going to be pretty top heavy. This means you’re going to have a harder time keeping enough blood in the head of your penis for a rock-hard erection.
Experts on erectile dysfunction note the “hammer penis”, or mushroom-headed penis with a much bigger head, is more likely to cause a problem when guys already have issues with blood flow and arousal.
The narrow base widening to a very large head means you’re pretty much fighting against gravity to get a good erection.
Of course, this doesn’t mean all larger mushroom head penises are going to droop over time. There’s no guarantee you’ll have an erectile issue when you’re getting a little older.
However, if you do notice you have a little trouble with the initial erection sometimes – don’t panic. A larger head means you’ve got more work to do, so give yourself a break.
Celebrating the mushroom-shaped penis
A mushroom dick might look weird or be something you worry about when you’re still young and wondering if girls will find your penis attractive, but it’s actually totally natural.
Though it’s fair to say not every trait of the human body is part of an evolutionary transformation, the shape of your penis is very deliberate.
Unlike non-adaptive traits such as the shape of your ear lobes or your nipples, the shape of your penis is absolutely crucial to the human male’s survival. To continue living on, our species needs to be effective at passing on their genes.
Mushroom penises didn’t gain their shape to attract women, they’re there because they help you get the job done.
Next time you’re wondering about the shape of your penis, be proud of your mushroom head, and remember you’ve got it for a reason.
The bulbous head gives you a major advantage, and it’s one of the many reasons why your ancestors were able to pass down their DNA over the decades to eventually create you.